Kathatonia

Today, I will keep pushing forward. I will not quit just because I can.

I will persist. I will do this for myself because the effort is a reward in itself.

I choose to achieve rather than complain. The task may be hard and daunting but it has to be done. I will face it with enthusiasm no matter how hard it is to muster.

I will keep trying. I will win.

A big part of my 2011 was spent in re-discovering myself. This involved a lot of going out to meet new people but also spending quiet moments reading and meditating.

I came across The Angry Therapist’s blog (www.theangrytherapist.com) when a friend sent me a link of one of his posts. It’s title is “You’re Asking the Wrong Question” and it went like this:

Instead of asking yourself how you feel about him/her.  Ask yourself how he/she makes you feel.  When you focus on what you like about someone, you are letting them off the hook.  This question allows fantasy.  If you flip it and ask how they make you feel, suddenly you’re snapped back into realty.  They are up at bat.  Are they striking out or hitting home runs?  

I think we focus too much on what we want and not enough on what we deserve.  We deserve to feel invincible and beautiful.  Does this person make you feel this way?  No?  Then why are you with them? Sex, comfort, or a label is not enough.  Life is too fucking short. Relationships are too fucking hard.

I was instantly hooked. I was going through a bad break-up with my ex of 7 years and his posts really made a lasting impression on me. He inspired me to set what he calls Daily Intentions (which you can find on this blog) and it has helped me grow as a person. There is something about him that makes him relatable, make you feel like he’s a person just like you. He is also one of many who inspired me to write again and thus, Kathatonia was born.

I bought his book called “Transparency (self help in a shot glass)” and reading it has helped me be more aware of myself, my relationships and what I can do to be a better person.

So to you, John Kim, thank you so much for sharing your gift to the world.

And through this blog, I hope to do the same.

~ K 

Today, I will worthproof myself.

I will not let work define me.

Work is fucking hard and sometimes you come to a point when you just want to give up because nobody seems to appreciate your efforts when you don’t deliver the exact results they want from you. And you question yourself whether you’re in the right job and if it’s worth it. 

Today, I remind myself I am more than my job title and job description.

And that at the end of the day, the people who matter the most don’t have to rate you with a performance appraisal.

Today I will not fight it. I will throw caution to the wind. I will open my doors and windows. I will let it in and bask in it. I will look forward to the good and welcome all the potential bad that may come with it. I will choose to be brave over being frozen by fear. I will put myself OUT THERE.

Today, I will stop beating myself up. I will stop pressuring myself into doing it right at the first attempt. I will remind myself it’s ok to have seconds and thirds, to make mistakes and be an ordinary person in the sense that you don’t know what’s going to happen next. So the best thing to do is remember what I’ve learned and keep an open mind to possibilities. AND have fun in the process.

Yay for Mondays!! :)

Today I will consciously work on understanding myself. I will question my choices, my thoughts, my emotions. I will be metacognitive. I will admit my faults and shortcomings in my past relationship and embrace them. But this is just the process. The goal is to rewire, to break through all false beliefs about myself and build my container.

THE GOAL IS TO BE VULNERABLE, NOT WEAK.

Today, I will quit worrying. I will let go. I will free myself from the burden of trying to control whatever situation I’m worried about. I will not own it.

I WILL LIVE IN THE NOW.

Today, I will be more aware of myself. I will start to strip off the layers to get to my core, my real, Solid self and will continue doing this until I feel I am my most authentic self.

Thank you, John Kim, for the inspiration.