Wooow. I can really relate to this - to the crazy ideas, the sleepless nights, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to make things happen. Like John, I want to come up with a book. It’s one of the most important things on my bucket list.
I’ve been working at it relentlessly, setting aside time to read new authors and coming up with something of my own at least once a week. I take it as real work. But it’s a passion, not a chore.
I have always thought of myself as a non-conformist and people also have that perception of me. And I’m comfortable with it. I march to the beat of my own drum and darn proud of it.
Ideas get me going - I eat them for breakfast and gives me that spring in my step even if I’m dead tired or spiralling into cynicism.
I think we all struggle with reality everyday - on one hand, you want to do everything for your dreams but in another there are bills to pay and other ”grown-up” things to consider, like “career” and “status”. It’s just a matter of knowing what will give your life meaning. Those other things are nice to have, definitely. But I would be cheating myself if I aspire for those things alone.
theangrytherapist:
I’ve been a bit of a mad scientist lately. Pumping out workbooks, setting up my first booth at a CrossFit event, trying to run a one man radio show from my kitchen, and using Google plus to do things like speed dating. It’s 6:40am on a Saturday and I’m telling myself to slow down, to check myself. I feel myself shrinking, wondering what people will think of me. I feel like maybe they won’t take me seriously as a therapist anymore because well, I’m not acting like one according to society’s standards.
I remember when I was about 9, my dad bought me my first skateboard. It was a giant wide board, the kind you can sit a grown adult on and have enough room to push from behind. Instead of just riding it, I turned my backyard into a “rollercoaster” and wanted to use the skateboard to give people rides. I set up obstacles on the side of the house, soda cans to fall at just the right time. I would charge people and make money this way instead of mowing lawns or having a paper route like my brother did. No one came and my brother was the richest kid on the block.
I’ve always had a crazy imagination. Once I get an idea, I can’t sleep. I become powerless. It takes over me as if I am possessed. I’ve always been like this. Since I was a child. Sometimes, it feels more like a curse than a blessing. It’s what keeps me away from the the 9 to 5, from having insurance, security, and on many nights, sleep. The kids with the paper routes now all have picket fences and matching BMWs, my brother being one of them. I own a rowing machine.
As a therapist, I find myself wanting to give people rides again. Everyday, I have ideas to create change in a new way. And every time I have an idea, the inner struggle begins. The child vs. the adult. The dreamer vs. the realist. Me vs. My brother.
I wonder if people like Steve Jobs, Woody Allen, and Tim Burton ever had / have this type of conflict. I wonder if they would have done all the things that they have if they decided to grow up.
If you receive an email from me inviting you to be a guest on my show or participate in any one of my “rides”, just know that all that means is the Child won that day.
- Angry
